God designed marriage as a reflection of Christ’s relationship with His church but sometimes all we want to reflect is anger, disappointment, and frustration!
Maybe it is when our husband ignores our needs and walks off in the middle of an important question or conversation. Maybe he ignores our needs because he believes that his work is more important.
Maybe we see an unjust or inappropriate reaction with our children and we want to discuss it with him,
and before we can finish or even ask a question, an argument starts and he walks away.
Seeing him walk away when we were about to express something that is troubling us can be devastating. It leaves us feeling unloved, unwanted and opens a Pandora’s Box for all kinds of trouble.
Many women tend to clam up, and up goes the wall.
We grab a book or a magazine and while he walks around doing his thing as if he could care less about the conversation he just walked away from, we sit there,
our eyes peering over the pages we’re pretending to read,
pretending to be fine, and pretending that our heart is not hurt.
But boy are we hurting and in some cases we can become furious.
If he knew just how much his actions affected his beloved, he would never even dare treat her that way. She is left confused and if she has not guarded her heart and made her faith in Christ her rock; she may begin to entertain herself with those who treat her right and listen to her.
And, before you know it an adulterous relationship may arise and hatred towards her husband may begin to choke out her heart.
A few days go by and there we are again, still thinking about the conversation, the injury to our heart, the resentment we feel inside.
Other things may happen in that course of time that push us even farther away from our beloved.
And there we stay, letting old injuries fester.
Like crying children, we refuse to go to the doctor to get our injuries looked at and healed.
Maybe it’s the wife who constantly nags her husband into a mental coma. She knows how, where and when he should live his life. I mean really, this man left his momma’s house to marry a woman just like his momma.
If it isn’t done her way, he isn’t getting dinner with a smile or kisses in bed.
She disrespects him, belittles him and criticizes everything he does. His anger and sadness break him down and unlike the wall created by the hurt wife, this man becomes a home with a faulty foundation and broken-down walls. He is not trying to build walls to keep her out, instead, he lets his guard down and the corrosion and filth of the world slowly rip away the paint and begin to destroy the walls of his heart leaving him vulnerable to adultery and other sins.
Are you nodding your head right now? Maybe a tear streaming down your face because you know what I just expressed has happened to you?
If this is you right now or if you still are carrying old hurts that have seriously damaged the bond between the oneness of your marriage, please don’t delay going to the great physician.
Reading this and doing nothing about it won’t help you.
Thinking about how much you resent your husband or wife for things that happened years ago or yesterday won’t help you.
So what will help?
1. Getting down on your hands and knees and crying out to God with a broken heart.
2. Repenting for having an attitude guided by anger and unforgiveness.
3. Asking the Lord to complete the emptiness and remove the anger that difficult situations have created.
4. Asking the Lord to teach you to forgive as he forgave you.
5. Asking the Lord to help you become a better communicator so you can discuss these issues with your spouse in love and with respect.
You see our spouses were never created to fill in all of our empty spaces. They were not meant to substitute our relationship with the savior of the universe.
They can never be the loving and compassionate being that Christ is. They can only try to model it, but unfortunately, they will never be perfect.
Nothing but Jesus can clean away the spider webs we have allowed to grow around our hearts.
Jesus and his infinite and everlasting love is the only answer to our brokenness and frustration.
People are never going to be perfect and if we constantly focus on their imperfections we will live an utterly miserable life and by doing so never fulfill the plan God has for us on this earth.
Don’t be fooled my dear one. Marriage is no walk in the park. It is not a diamond ring or a nice honeymoon. It is not sexy lingerie or having children.
Although the world has made it into this appealing romance fairytale it is not.
Marriage for the follower and disciple of Christ has only one meaning:
” To be a reflection of Christ’s relationship with His church”
This is what the bible tells us.
In modeling Christ’s relationship with his church, we model the perfect love.
A love that comes from above and is made perfect in us only because of the greatest act of love ever displayed for humanity. The cross.
The husband who claims to love and follow Christ is supposed to love, cherish and care for his wife as Christ does the church.
He is supposed to protect her from harm and build her up spiritually. With love and care, he teaches her about Christ’s love through the way he treats her and honors her.
He does not belittle or ignore his wife’s needs. He does not yell at her or intimidate her by his actions and words.
He does not force her to do things against her will or aggressively impose his will on her.
Christ never acted that way with his apostles or with the people he encountered.
Men you got to own up. You are meant to follow Christ’s model of love towards his church. Your love to your wife should be how Christ loves His bride.
The wife who claims to love and follow Christ is called to respect and support her husband, to be his right-hand gal and help him through the rough patches. She is an encourager, a lover, a supporter. I believe that when in Genesis 2:18 the Lord mentions creating a helper for Adam, people have taken that verse and interpreted it in many different ways.
As I learned from a teacher in a women’s bible institute I used to attend, the word Helper in the original Hebrew is Ezer which originates from the word Azar, which means to:
Aid, protect, support, offer non-material encouragement, give aid in the form of military assistance in battle.
That changes things completely from the ignorant thought that men are to take on all of the responsibility for marriage and handle all the stress of the world on their shoulders while their loving wives stay home and say:
“Oh well, he is the provider, if he screws up it is his problem, I am called to raise my kids and get my hair done.”
No way Jose, we are called to be one and in that oneness, we are called to let the light, love, and longsuffering of Christ prevail.
Without the cross, there is no hope for true love,
there is no redemption for the lost and hurting soul.
Without the cross, there is only selfishness and despair.
Without the cross, our marriages will surely fail.
But with the cross there is hope. It won’t be easy but there is restoration. It may take time to get past the hurt and pain but I believe that with God’s help all things are possible.
Lots of Love,
Hebrew 4:16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
John 15:7 If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.
Ephesians 4:2-3 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Colossians 3:12-17 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Note: I wrote this post to express some of the frustration that all married couples face. However, this post is not directed to those people who are in an abusive marriage where physical and emotional abuse is occurring.
No man or woman should EVER have to stay in a relationship where they are being physically, mentally or emotionally abused.
If you are in an abusive marriage please seek help from your local church and local law enforcement agency.