I feel Fat and Ugly – Thoughts from a Frustrated Girl!

Written last year – Enjoy 
Is this you right now?  Or do you know someone who is feeling this way?  Then pass on this article to them.

My friend said this to me recently and I understand her completely.  After all in my friend’s case, it’s not easy going from a super lean size 4 to a not so lean size 14.

In my case, I went from being a size 4 super lean and ripped mom to a size 10 not so lean and tired mom of three.  As my friend said above I also felt that after having my 3rd child, I would never look like I did before.  With the first two pregnancies, I lost all my baby weight and an additional 15 pounds just within the first 4 months after giving birth.  It was amazing, but I did work really hard on my physique including a 5 day a week gym workout consisting of two hours every day of weights, strength training, cardio, and toning.

But life changed really fast and I could no longer work out at all!!!!  My doctor ordered me to go on bed rest for the last 3 months of my pregnancy and shortly after the baby was born I fell at work because the building left soap and water on the floor.  That further delayed my exercise since I could barely move enough to shower let alone do cardio and lift weights.  I did several months of physical therapy and chiropractic and just recently have I been able to speed walk and do some light weights.  Yet in spite of all that happened to me, I sometimes felt like I was never going to be that hot chic my husband knew just 2 years ago.

I mean really.  Between diaper changes, constant breastfeeding, working full-time and other children to care for; who in their right mind has the time to work on their abs for 45 minutes 3 times a week and do strength training 4 times a week?  This depressed me because I am one of those people who absolutely adore the gym.  I don’t need encouragement to go, no workout buddy needed.  Just give me the time and a babysitter and I’m there at whatever time.

So like I told my good friend, I had to give it to God and realize that there was a little creature that had the right to demand all of my time, energy, milk and sleep.  And he still does at 15 months and I am still working full time and I still have not made it into the gym.  I will get there soon just not right now.  In the meantime, I have opted for strolls with the kids, weight training at home (free weights) and have accepted the fact that perfection is not a requirement for loving or receiving love.

My kids and my husband don’t look at me and say “Jeez mom, I would love you a whole lot more if you dropped those last 7 pounds”

Going through this season of fattiness has further reinforced my belief that we don’t control our world or what happens to us, only God does.  I can’t wake up and tell a pregnant contracting tummy to stop contracting because I am in control.

I can’t tell a sickness to leave or tell a pimple to go away or stop a freak accident from occurring.

I can, however, chose to continue living my life as a gift and savor the taste of my homemade organic rose petal honey on freshly made bread.

I can set my weekly goals and do my best to meet them, but when I don’t I can rest in the fact that I’m not perfect and proceed to dance with my baby on my hip as a cardio workout substitute.

I can ignore fashion week and say firmly that it bears little to no weight on what I decide to wear or not wear!!!

I can make healthier decisions about how I am eating and not blame myself for packing on a few extra pounds when those pounds were part of “a labor of love”

I can encourage others around me to be healthier and teach them what eating right looks like.

There is so much to be thankful for and little to complain about.  After all, there is a solution to everything on this earth except for human death.

So at the end of the day don’t sink into the thought of feeling ugly and fat if this is the result of an unexpected life change or illness.

Make the best of your day.  Like I say to my kids: You can get all dressed up for an event and go out to then get caught in the rain and finally make it into the car soaking wet.  Once in your car, you can freak out and be in a bad mood or you can get out of your car, and dance in the rain.  Either way, you’ll still be wet, the only difference is the attitude you choose to have.